Dr. Paul DePompo discusses relationships and his book The Other Woman’s Affair.
The last thing we would want anyone to do is to put their life on hold for a relationship. Make sure you are taking steps toward your personal goals and then have a timeline for your boundary when it’s too long and you must pull the plug.
A part of putting the trauma in the past is to organize it properly so the brain can process it and file it away. It helps to reinforce the trauma as a time limited event.
It is the “answering all questions fully” that starts the painful process of healing and building back trust. Any slight mistruth will lead to further investigating, worst-case scenario thinking and rumination by the spouse.
It is harmful to use the “D” word during an argument, “This is traumatic in a sense because it brings the relationship from one that promises till death – to now to saying, ‘well maybe not-so-much’.” This can bring out a “protective mode” rather than a “problem-solving mode.
Although our veterans with PTSD can now be cured in 10 weeks using CBT, unfortunately in the same time frame, our candidates with their versions of “Strength” will still be the same.
If your partner is quick to rip apart their exes, guess what? You’re next!
It is important to understand that relationships don’t fail, they run their course.
The brain believes that the internet is helping you, but when you compulsively use the internet, your own system crashes. There is not enough space left in your hard drive to give you the drive you need in the outside world.
A better suggestion, he says, “is to define what a good person is in 3-5 words and rate yourself on this continuum.” If you see yourself at more than half, then “you are a relatively good, yet imperfect person — which ultimately makes you human!”
The relationship has a better chance to work if you speak up. He will respect you more when you are assertive. You have the right to have him understand and validate the relationship you desire. Use phrases like: When ___ happens, I feel ___, and would like you to ___.If he is not receptive, this is a red flag.
If you make jokes in public at your partner’s expense, this can show underlying immaturity in the relationship and hints at underlying disrespect.
The same criteria that you have for your friendships should go for your partner. If you are dating people that you would never want your potential daughter to date—then incorporate that into your screening process.
Many people, including celebrities, stay stuck in relationships feeling fed-up. No matter how fed-up you are, it can be difficult to take your next step, whether it’s a break-up or make-up. There is no “right decision.” Pain comes and goes. It may be more difficult to stay stuck in the long run.
In order to turn this crisis into an opportunity for a better marriage, actions must speak louder than words!
The parent who was cheated on tends to cling to the children while the parent who cheats often keeps distance, initially out of shame. Both parent behaviors can leave children anxious that one parent is devastated and they cannot help them, while they’re hurt and confused about why the other parent is not being proactive enough. The kids are in a lose-lose situation.
You Cannot Save a Superhero, Only Self-Destruct Trying. Superheroes have their baggage to deal with. Though he has revealed some vulnerabilities to you, it doesn’t mean he wants to deal with them. He show you just enough of his soft human side to help you connect even closer. If he wanted that side of him to dominate, then he would just be Clark Kent!
“Having little control and power over your finances can lead a relationship to increased stress, arguing and difficulty being able to relax,” he said.
The “Other” Side of Infidelity: The Experience of the “Other” Partner, Anxious Love, and Implications for Practitioners
Even if you’ve slept on a certain side of the bed for so long, cognitive behavioral psychologist Paul DePompo, Psy.D., says it’s possible to break the habit, retrain your body, and start fresh. “You can both extinguish your sleep sides by sleeping upside down for a few nights to throw off the pattern,” he explains.
“You should never say ‘I’m sorry’ when you don’t mean it …”
“I have seen many affairs emerge due to online searches and reconnecting to past exes,” he says. “It often starts innocent and ends horribly.”
The problem is, your brain can’t start putting this in the past unless it understands that your ex was not ALL GOOD or ALL BAD.
Is she breathing hard? Is she flushed and sweaty? “Is she truly flushed, with erratic breathing, looking far less staged than a 3-D version of a Kardashian selfie? Afterward a woman tends to get more energized not less,” says DePompo. If the answer to these is no, you’re out of luck.
Editorial Psychological Expert for the National Enquirer
Published Author/ Researcher/ Speaker
Consultant for the Motion Picture Industry
Psychological Expert for the National Enquirer
Board Certified, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, ABPP