How to know if you are dating a narcissist


I love people who are high in narcissism. In therapy when they see the costs of it and want to make changes it is a wonderful and effective journey that leads to closer and more loving relationships. Out of therapy they are quite charming and entertaining but that is because it is a far as it gets. BUT If you are getting into a relationship with someone that may be high in narcissism you need to check these warning signs to make sure you do not get swept away by the Ponzi scheme of the narcissist.

The relationship comes on intense and quick

At first sight they are attractive, confident, interesting, and there is a sexual attraction. Their bodies are often chiseled and their dressed more impeccably than their peers. Initially they seem to be anticipating your needs and are definitely on the chase with you – especially if you show you are unavailable, the more they are into you. That wonderful first impressions quickly turn sour.

He puts himself on a pedestal

They inflate themselves and devalue others. They find ways to mention who they know, the amazing things they do, as well as their achievements. They will mention people in order to name drop or to more likely to put others down. Otherwise its about them. They also belief they should only have and be around the best of the best.


People are “things” to be used for their needs. They are focused on control and social manipulation which is why they are often in a managerial or leader type position. They will attack when feeling rejected or even mildly slighted. They will gaze away or look distracted if you are taking the focus for “too long.”

They pull back

Once they know you are in love with them, they pull away because you are now devalued. They don’t want to risk true intimacy, and are on the lookout for someone else to stroke their ego that may be “better.” They will dodge personal questions and vulnerability with defensiveness, jokes, or manipulation. They cannot do a good job validating your side when you are upset with them and may respond with something like, ‘I am not sure if I can make you happy.”

In summary – you may be good (but likely not “that” good) that you can change them if they don’t see the problem to be anything other than you (or others).

If this is your typical dating pattern of interest – you may need good counseling to better understand and gain effective tools to change these unhelpful patterns.

Sign up for our e-newsletter for more healthy relationship tips!

Recommended Posts