You’ve put in a lot into your relationship and yet you have not gotten the return you’ve hoped for. You want to pull out but you can’t! Whether you’re afraid to be alone, don’t want someone else to benefit from your hard work, or are preoccupied with the idea it would have been “all for nothing,” there are things you can do now to ensure you have maximized your investment in this and get your love-life unstuck.
Communicate to Be Heard
What do you need to stay in the relationship? What is the minimal you can accept? What are you wanting to them to change or adjust? Communicate it direct and kind. Let them know what you are willing to do as well in this process. At this step you cannot demand change … because your partner has the right to change or not to, but they will have the deal with the consequences of their choice. As long as you clearly and kindly put it on the record – you are almost there!
Time Don’t Give Me Time
Limits. We all have them. We sometimes just aren’t sure we are allowed to set them. If we don’t set them, they will be set for us. Limits are not an ultimatum, they are a boundary. Have a Timeline to Follow what would be considered “too long” to wait for these changes to occur after communicating directly and kindly about your concerns. They could know about the timeline or not. It’s your choice.
Take Life Off Hold
A healthy relationship is like a good investment plan. People should diversify. Putting a relationship first actually holds you back and impacts the relationship. Taking steps toward your relationship goals AND personal goals outside of the relationship will strengthen you – and can only impact your dating life positively in the big picture. As your dating-timeline for change comes closer to the end, you will be in a stronger emotional place and strengthening your connections outside of the relationship and most importantly to yourself.
Though there is no “perfect” decision, following these steps will help you to either a) accept the relationship as it and make sure to balance your life to meet your needs accordingly or b) take what you’ve earned from this experience and move on, communicating directly that “This IS a break-up.”
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